I'm tired.

Tired of constantly allowing my worth to depend on how much people love me.
Tired of allowing people inside and trusting them when they aren't really worth trusting.

I'm tired of people trampling down on me. It's time for me to shine. No more insecurities, no more demons. I will see myself through God's eyes again and move forward.

I don't need anybody to dictate my worth.

Obligatory (post) Valentine's Day Post

I've been dying to write something significant lately, but I haven't been able to get any inspiration. 

I did, however, chance upon this beautiful entry and this sparked the fire in me to write. 

My mind goes back to a few months back. I felt beaten up, broken, lost, and betrayed. I felt like I have lost everything. And in the process, I have hurt people. You know how it felt like everything that could go wrong went wrong? That's how I honestly felt like.

Exactly during that time, the youth servants were invited to a retreat. And there was this one activity where you were given silent time to talk to God. So I did what any self-respecting person would do: I loudly voiced out every thought that I had for God.

"God, I honestly don't know why I'm here. I've been trying to feel Your presence since the first day of the retreat, and I could not feel ANYTHING. Where are You when I need You, Lord? I am broken and I feel so worthless. I haven't done anything right. I've even hurt people because of what has been happening. I am nothing, Lord. I am nothing right, nothing whole. Why am I here? Why can't I feel You?" 

And then in the silence of the retreat house, I heard God speak to my heart through a song.

"Lights will guide you home.
And ignite your bones
And I WILL fix you"

And yes, I know you could tell that I started to cry my eyes out. But what I'm trying to say here is that you may feel like nobody could ever love you for you or that after all that you've given, still you weren't loved the way you deserve to be loved, BUT there is Someone who is willing to pick up the broken pieces and love you back to wholeness. Totally. Unconditionally. Selflessly.

Surrender what is broken and He will make it whole. No ifs, no buts. He'll love you just the same.

The same way He's been loving me and many others since the world began.