Safe Place

There will always be a place or a person who gives you the greatest amount of safety and comfort in their presence. Like when you need a breather, you just need to go there or be with that person, and you'll be okay. It could have been there all this time, but you chose to take it for granted, or you discover it unexpectedly.

I can't believe it took me years before I realized that my safe place was right in front of me all this time. Never leaving. Never failing. Constant. Unending.

Realization.

I need to write this down lest I forget about it...

I fell in love a year ago with someone who wasn't available. All the while, I thought that I loved him, because I gave him all of my time, effort, and understanding. I thought I loved him because I saw all of his weaknesses and flaws, but still I accepted all of that. I really thought I loved him more than anyone else had.

But I recently realized that I was selfish. I did all that I possibly could to get him to "love" me back. Whenever he'd come to me asking for advice, some of my advice would be towards my bias. I wanted to make him mine, even if it was wrong.

I think that real love is, yes, accepting the totality of the person and loving them regardless of who they are and they are not. But I believe it is also when you lead that person towards the right path, even if it will not entail your happiness. It would mean that you really care about that person. You love him because you genuinely do, and not just because you want them to fulfill a selfish desire in you.

Many would definitely disagree with me, I'm sure, but this is what I believe in. This is what I stand for. I've long accepted the fact that this mystery dude and I will never get back together, and I've learned my lesson from it. And I hope that the next time I love someone, it will be the right kind of love. No selfishness, no greediness. Only pure, genuine, unadulterated love.

Backsliding.

Sometimes, it's easier to go back to what is familiar, to what is your comfort zone. It's so easy to backslide to your past demons. It's so easy to go to back to relying on ther people for your happiness,

But deep inside, there will always be a longing for something greater; for something much more amazing. I forgot who said this, but it's true: nothing worth having comes easy. Whether it be your dreams, your ambitions, a specific person, etc. If it's worth having, you will strive for it.

And it is with this that I will continue to struggle; that I will contiue to push forward and love myself more. I will not settle for less; I will not go back to how I once was because I know that something greater is waiting for me. Because I know that God has a bigger and better plan for me; and even if it's something I cannot see right now, I will wait and continue to strive. Because I know that it will come soon.