The Things That Matter

picture from http://followandreblog.tumblr.com

I was just musing about the One that God has reserved for me and I realized that the things that I wanted were simple, but they were true. 

I want someone who loves God more than he loves me. I want someone who'll tell me that he wants God to be in the center of our relationship. 

I want someone who was willing to listen to everything that I have to say. And not just listen, but to listen attentively and enthusiastically. And after he's heard everything and known everything about me, he won't judge me. Instead, he'll accept me and help me change for the better. Operating term is HELP.

I want someone who can make me laugh, no matter how corny the joke is. 

I also want someone who'd be willing to bare everything to me, someone who'll trust me enough to tell me everything about themselves. 

And then after all the buzz and the kilig vibes have died down, instead, there is comfortable silence. There is mutual understanding that we are in it for the long run. I want to be able to be myself around him. I want him to be himself when he's around me.

I want something that is real, that is true. I don't want a man who just wants to hold my hand or kiss me. I want someone who'll last even when the passion has burned down. I want someone who's willing to decide to love me every single day, no matter what. 

And I trust that God will be able to grant me that prayer soon. 

Maybe.

Maybe if you tried hard enough, you'll make it.
Maybe if you did your best, you'll win.
Maybe if you gave your all, you'll succeed.
Operating term is MAYBE.

Of Changes (superficial ones)

Late last year, I talked about how I was starting to love dressing up but was too lazy to make it into a habit. Well, this year, I decided to grow up and finally be a lady (HUHUHU). I sometimes use make-up, even.

I remember a friend commenting on how nice I've been looking and if I was in love (because me dressing up was a rare occasion). I told them that I just wanted to feel good about themselves. Who doesn't want to be complimented and told about how nice they look? No one. I rest my case.

But seriously, though. I want to feel good about myself. I want to feel pretty and amazing, even if I've gained weight. I want the world to know that I know that I am beautiful. I guess it has something to do with my self-esteem.

Yes, I'm in love... WITH MYSELF. Take that, anonymous friend.

All pictures taken at different dates. I thank you, bow.

8 months.

So it's been 8 months since I last passed by this blog and wrote something significant (significance is relative). I've actually not blogged during that whole period, save for the time when I had to put up a blog for one of my MA classes. And that does not count because I hated having to write an entry every week on that fundamental question that I was supposed to answer by the end of that semester. Anyway...

What has happened during those eight months? A lot of things. Was thinking of listing down all the stuff and learned during that time because: 1. Nobody reads this blog anymore, and 2. Just for future reference. So here's my best attempt at trying to summarize my eight month hiatus:

1. No matter how many people give you advice on any dilemma or problem that you're facing, NOTHING will happen NOT UNTIL YOU DECIDE TO ACT. The choice will always be up to you. Nobody can force you to change your mind because if you don't want to get out of that rut, you won't. Only you can pull yourself out. Nobody else. You can only save yourself.

2. That being said, sometimes all a person needs is for someone to listen to them. They don't want your unsolicited advice or your sermons; they just want someone who will listen to them and sympathize with them. More often than not, people already know what to do, they just need someone to help them along the way.

3. Nobody is worthless. I repeat, NOBODY. Everybody has a significant role to play in the universe, and everyone IS IMPORTANT. God said so Himself. WE ARE CREATED IN HIS IMAGE AND LIKENESS. We are precious. We are wonderful. We are amazing.

4. But we have to realize that. It is only up to us to realize our worth. Once we know what we deserve, we won't settle for anything less. It would be difficult, yes, because some people will abuse our kindness, but nobody should be given the right to treat us like crap and make us feel like crap.

5. It's amazing (and scary) how much one can give when one loves. When I say amazing, I mean it's overwhelming how much one can give to a person when they love them - time, effort, understanding - you name it. As long as you love someone, you'd give anything to make them happy. It's also scary because when you decide to love the wrong person, all that love would go to waste. Most especially when that person won't be able to reciprocate the same intensity that you give out. It would leave you tired. I should know. I've been there.

6. I believe that everyone looks for someone who is interested in what they have to say. I fell in love with someone because he was the person who was always excited to hear how my day went; he was the first person I encountered who would look forward to stuff that I experienced, my random experiences, my realizations, EVERYTHING. And I believe that's what we look for. Don't deny it: everyone wants to feel special and wanted, no matter how "independent" you are.

7. We also want to be surrounded by people who won't judge us, no matter how weird we may get. I actually agree with the statement that "birds of the same feather flock together." It's because we also want to be accepted for who we are. After all, it's difficult to pretend to be someone we're not.

8. At the most trying time of your life, you will realize that your family will be your strongest foundation. During my lowest point, my mother's hugs would ease my restless spirit, my dad's jokes would make me smile, and it was surprising how my brothers were there to comfort me as well. I'm forever grateful that God gave me an amazing support group.

How have I been doing? I'm awesome, better than ever. I've been getting my life back on track thanks to my awesome life coach, I'm in the progress of redeeming my self-esteem, and I've never felt more beautiful than I do right now.

I'll try to start blogging again soon, if time permits it. I missed this. Hello, I'm back. :)