Of Getting a Job and Other Things.

I, after months of being unemployed, finally get a job. Actually, this job offer's been waiting for me for months, even before I graduated from college. And then the time came when we finally talked about this job offer. I can still remember it so vividly.

One Sunday after the Feast, Tito Bo and I decided that we should talk about my "job offer". He gave me a week to decide, but instead it took me 3 weeks to decide. And during our annual youth camp, I talked to Tito Bo said that I couldn't accept the job offer. But still, Tito Bo smiled and told me that he understood, and if all else fails, he'll still be willing to give me a job.

So months went by. And well, to cut the long story short, everything else failed. I've applied for so many jobs. Then got other job offers. But they were never the ones that I wanted. And in the end, I returned to my very first job offer. I remember my friends' reactions when they found out that I declined the job offer. I was being too picky, they said. A job offer like that rarely comes, and yet I still had the guts to say no. And now they laugh at me, telling me, "Dun ka din pala babalik". Yeah. But you know what? I am where God wants me to be. He has a purpose of why it took me so long to finally grab that opportunity, just like how long it took for Adrian and I to get together... but hey, that's another story. All that matters is that, I finally have a job, and yes, I'm finally at peace with this decision.

Of Cheesiness.

I found this in My Documents while I was cleaning up my computer. I was amazed (and still moved) by this letter. Never did I imagine that I could write something like this in my entire life... EVER. But then again, like most people, I write best when there's an outpour of emotions. So I decided to share this letter I wrote months back. I'm warning you, it's hella cheesy. I'm protecting this person's identity, because I don't want everybody to know for whom this letter is. Here it is:

Cheese.

Dear Brando,

I have to say goodbye. I am not doing this because I don't care about you anymore... In fact, it's because I do.

I need to distance myself from you. If I continue to talk to you, see you, and text you like I used to, nothing would change, we might as well have not said good bye. You need to let me go in order to grow.

If I continue to lead you on like this, I would be selfish and immature. I have to stick to my decision once and for all. I chose Fajardo over you, and because of this decision, you are now my friend. ONLY my friend.

I loved you, I chose to love you at one moment in my life and this good bye is in itself an act of love. I love you, that is why I need to say good bye. You need to grow from this experience.

I am not saying good bye forever, and I am not eradicating you from my life. I'm still here, standing by until we are both ready to enter this friendship again.

So good bye for now. I hope that everything goes well for you. I keep you in my prayers. 

Take care.
Niki  

Alone.

What's left to lose?

Nothing.

Nothing left to say, nothing left to do. Plain nothing.

Blabbering nonsense. Because there really isn't anything left to say. I'm being redundant because that's the only thing I know.

Nothing's left to lose. Nothing's left to gain.

Tampuhan.

I find it funny how one can say that they have been replaced by another person tapos magtatampo sila and yet they subconsciously (subconsciously nga ba?) push you away...

...now who has the right to feel bad?

Of Decisions and Burdens.

Some friends often come to me, telling me that they'd rather be an attendee than a servant. It always burned them out, they said. I couldn't understand them, though. Serving at the community for me was never a burden. In fact, I always looked forward to practices and Sundays where I could serve. I always gave my 100% to all the ministries that I served. I considered every ministry a blessing and a chance to give God that pay back that He deserves. Never did I imagine that there would come a day that I finally be saying that serving finally becomes a burden.

Yes, I am again temporarily jobless, and yes, there is nothing left for me to do except lessen my mother's worries by cleaning the house daily for her and to serve the community. And yes, I complain as if I have work and this service is an extra load to carry, but it feels like it is. It isn't a blessing anymore, it's a burden. I have to sacrifice so much. I miss out on having breakfast, mass, worship, and lunch with my parents. I miss out on being with them every Sunday. Instead of feeling extremely blessed and light, I feel so down and burdened. My mood only lightens when I see my parents walking in the session hall.

I ask God, "what do You want me to do next?" I don't know what He is trying to tell me right now. I don't know where He wants me to go. I remember Tito Bo telling me that God plants the desires deep within my heart... but my mother also told me that God sometimes leads us where we do not want to go. I honestly just want to let this service go and run into my parents's arms and hide. But, sige, Lord, Your will be done. If it is indeed Your will, lighten my load.

Amen.

Of Being Moody.

Topakin ako. Yes. VERY.

And, yes, I can't say anything else. I'm honestly pissed off right now. Don't talk to me.

Of God and Finding the Answer.

Yes, I need to have a picture of the book in the entry. I couldn't find a picture of it in the internet, so I'm improvising.

Recently, I finished George Gabriel's new book, and being the fangirl that I am, I wrote down the quotes which struck me the most. And yes, I'm going to share just one of the dozens of quotes that I have read. You've prolly read it since I put it up as a status on Facebook, but I believe that this simple phrase would shatter the people's common misconception about God.

"God speaks to us in a way that we can best understand." Yes, you heard me/him/whoever. God doesn't go twisted with all the complicated "signs" and what have you. He gives you the answer straight to your face. He plants the desire deep within your heart so that you wouldn't look far for the answer.

What I'm trying to say here is, why ask for a sign when God has already planted the answer deep within your heart? You just have to listen. :)