Of the Definition of Love.

Lately, I've been asking friends the question: "How do you know if you love someone already?"

Some gave the answer that if they are able to change themselves for that person, then they love that person already. Others would say that if they are able to selfless enough to give a part of them to that person, to be able to sacrifice something of themselves, that means that they love that person.

Then I asked myself, "How do I define love?" Is it feeling of fireworks whenever I am with someone? Or is it the feeling of flying high with just the thought of him? Is it love when my heart suddenly beats faster when I'm with him? Or is it love when I feel all the things that love songs talk about? I realized it was none of them.

To love is to be able to choose to love the person regardless of who he is. I remember Tito Bo saying, "You truly love when you fall out of love." And I've realized that it is indeed true.

Love is not about how long the sparks last or how fast your heart beats, it's about deciding to just love that person even though you see something in him/her that is not acceptable to your standards. It is to accept the totality of the said person.

It took me such a long time to realize this. Years ago, I was this girl who likes rushing into relationships, a girl who wants to have someone to be with. I was such an immature fool back then. Now that I know that to love is something more than just "feeling in love", there is no need to rush.

...

We're slowly drifting apart. I'm afraid. You've been constantly there for as long as I can remember and now we're drifting apart. Don't go. You're my second father, my confidant. Don't leave my side... Please.

I will be random all over again.

Yes, random.

1. I looked back on my previous blog entries and realized that I had a lot of grammatical errors. I fail. I can hear my mom saying, "I have failed." (she was/still is a writer and editor.) But hey, I'm human. Bear with me.

2. No, I couldn't care less if you found a replacement. Go ahead.

3. I want to start drawing and composing songs again. I miss being artsy fartsy.

4. I realized just yesterday that it was fun to just sit down at a book store and read for 2 straight hours. I know it's freeloading, but I didn't know what else to do.

5.I love to sing. As in REALLY love to sing. Everyday I sing. Anywhere. Seriously. It's my stress reliever.

6. I love the rain. Even when I go out. I love the breeze that rain brings. I love the nostalgic feeling that I get whenever it rains. Makes me want to go through my pile of junk (yes, I am a sentimental fool) and just reminisce.

7. I'd rather go blind than deaf. I can't live without music in my life.

8. Can't we just continue what we have started (and abruptly ended)? Stop pretending, I know you feel it too.

9. BLAH. The rain is making me all emo and sleepy.

...so I'll stop blogging. I'm probably boring all of you anyway. Haha.

Of temporarily being a bum.

Yes, you've heard me right. TEMPORARILY. I have 3 weeks to sleep late and go out wherever I want to. So what do I do with my free time?

1. I redo my thesis. Yes, I am THAT bored. I've started re-reading Otherwise than Being or Beyond Essence. I'm going to go back to UST to xerox the books that I've used for my thesis, and yes I am going to take this seriously. I hated myself for cramming because I knew that if I did my thesis earlier, it would've been well-written (even though Dr. Bolaños did call it an ingenious study, STILL).

2. I go out wherever I want to. Duh. What else am I supposed to do? Rot in the house? I go out with friends. And yes, I serve where I am needed. I sing for whoever needs me. I'm not trying to be a good shot to God, but hey, I love to sing.

3. I write nonsensical things. For example, this entry.

4. I spend all day in front of the computer. Like what I'm doing right now...

...well actually, I'm bored as hell. I want to watch Inception with someone. Any takers?

Of Unexplainable Moods

Did you ever get the feeling of immense sadness without knowing what the reason is? And it suddenly just hits you like a wave. A big fat wave of sadness out of nowhere.

I felt this pain and sadness all of a sudden. Like I've lost someone or I lost something dear to me. And all this morning, too. I cannot explain why the tears would just suddenly flow and why there is a heavy, unnerving feeling deep in my gut. What a great way to start a morning.

Hopefully, I find out why this is later on during the day.

Reminiscent (part 2)

Every now and then, I chance upon someone's profile in Facebook and then I reminisce about the memories that I've had with that person.

It's amazing how one simple date from the person's profile could bring back so many memories from your brain database.

And amazingly, those memories weren't the biggest events in my life. It wasn't during my graduation, during a big party, a big event.

It was when that person was simply there for me, or something as a memory of me laughing with that friend.

It'll always be the smallest things that count... as long as it's from the heart. :)

Rant.

...You can't expect me to do that thing right away when you talk to me like shit. So don't get all angry at me when you don't want the same thing being done to you.

You should thank me for even talking to you.