Of Being Random.

Yes, I will be random again in this entry. I can't organize my thoughts properly, so I guess I'm going to enumerate them. Let's get started:

1. It's the first day of December, the last month of the year. And it got me thinking, you know, about the year that was. Of how during the first early months I felt desperation, defeat, stress, and then finally victory. Of how I struggled to look for a job, found one, then got rejected. Of how, for the first time in my life, I finally entered into a relationship. Of how, finally, I had a job that will help me fulfill my dream. Adrian told me that this year was a year of progress, and yes it was. This year was so memorable to me that I can't even put it into words properly (yes, I know that I'm starting to ramble again). And because of the best year that I've had, I'm starting to wonder what 2011 will hold for me. Whatever it is, I am definitely ready. :)
2. Sometimes, I still get that feeling of loneliness creeping in. But it isn't that dreadful feeling of being alone, truly alone. For me, it's that feeling of wanting to be by yourself, to just embrace you and discover more things about yourself that you've never experienced before. I know it sounds weird, but sometimes, I guess I really do prefer being alone. It doesn't bother me when I shop all alone, or if I go to certain places alone. I can get along just fine.
3. One of my many firsts this year was reaching out towards someone. Usually, if I know that I'm right, I wouldn't apologize, and I'd ignore that person. Kung ayaw mo, wag mo, basta wala akong ginawang masama sayo, at alam ko yun. In this certain situation, I still stand my ground: I haven't done anything wrong to that person. But given the circumstances, and maybe the misunderstanding that has happened, maybe I indirectly hurt her. So a few days ago, I mustered up all of my courage and decided to message her and tell her that I'm sorry if I've hurt her indirectly, and that I didn't mean to. You see, I meant it when I said that I treasured friendships. I hated the thought of being at war with a friend. It sucks, seriously. And this person was one of my considered friends. She replied, and I hope that maybe things would get better from there.
4. Being in a relationship can reveal so many things about yourself and your partner. Sometimes, being friends in the first place may not be enough to prepare you for the relationship. Yes, Tito Bo was right when he said that friendship is a solid foundation for a relationship, but things will change. In the same instance that you enter a relationship, there will be assumptions and expectations made; there will be issues, and certain tampuhan moments. And yes, sometimes, I'll admit that I can be pretty immature. But I realized that being in a relationship can also change you for the better. It has the power to give you more patience, more understanding, more love to give, and I am starting to sound real cheesy. My point is, this God-given relationship that I have with a blessing of mine has taught me and is continuing to teach me so many things. And, yes, it's making me grow into a better person. I hope that it has that same desired effect on him, though. Haha.