Of Being A Sinner.

In this time and age, you would rarely find people who would stand up firm to their faith. I have nothing against them, in fact, I have some friends who do not believe in the existence of a Supreme Deity, but I love them just the same. I have to admit, though, that it is much more difficult to testify to God's love when people tell you how corny you are, and that sometimes you're a hypocrite for saying those things because you tend to stumble and well, give in to the pressure that your friends are giving you.

No, I am not washing my hands clean. I am a sinner. I was born into this world a sinner, and there is still this continuous struggle to avoid committing sin. I have fallen down a couple of times, and I've hurt a number of people with the things I've done and I've said. Most of the time, I tend to hurt my parents and my own siblings with my death glares and sharp words. I'm impatient. And the list can go on and on. Point is, I am not a perfect person. I am definitely not a saint.

And sometimes, I'd want to just away from it all. Life from the community, service, and God. I've tried, in all actuality, to just leave the community and go on be happy with my friends without having that nagging conscience of God being mad at you. But the funny thing was, there was a certain emptiness that I started to feel when I left. I'd be happy when I get home early in the morning, but when I am all alone, the emptiness would start to manifest itself to me, bothering me to no end. I've tried to ignore it a couple of times and tried to fill that void with something else. But it remained the same: I'll be happy for only a split second, then that void continues to nag at me. And I knew, deep inside of my soul, that only God can fill that void.

And so, to cut the long story short, I came back. And I was welcomed back with open arms. God is like that, you know? He isn't the God who would punish you for every single mistake that you commit. He will continuously welcome you back, no matter how many times you leave. As a matter of fact, He will continue to be there, looking out for you, keeping you safe. And even though you leave, He will continue to bless you and provide for you, like He has always done when you were in His presence. That's how much He loves us: endless, selfless, unconditional.

Hi, I'm Niki, and I am a sinner. And despite my sinfulness, I am a child of God, loved unconditionally. And I pray that one day, I will be able to love Him selflessly and show it in my words, my actions, and in my life.