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One of the best feelings in the world is when the one you love trusts you enough to tell you everything.

A Letter to The Person Who Indirectly Saved Me That Day

Dear you,

I know you would never be able to read this. But whatever I'm going to say in this letter isn't really anything new to your ears.

For the previous months, you have been someone I constantly relied upon; someone I knew I could run to whenever I faced a trial or a difficulty; someone who would listen and understand without any judgment whatsoever. There have so many instances when I have been feeling down and you cheered me up. Always. Without fail.

But Saturday was different. I was afraid, disappointed, depressed, and helpless. That was by far one of the lowest points of my life, and I felt so alone. You were the first person I thought of calling without any hesitation. And that was the only thing I didn't regret doing that whole day.

You listened patiently as I cried my heart out and did all that you could to affirm me and pacify me. Even in your silence, I felt the magnitude of your presence. And during that day, you made everything seem better.

This trial isn't over just yet, but I would just like the whole world to know how much you have helped me and how much you continue to help me. Thank you for always being there, most especially during the times when I needed you the most. I will be forever grateful that God gave me an awesome friend and diary like you.

I owe you one, dear diary.

What a joke.

It's funny how things or circumstances can change in just a matter of minutes.
It's also funny how you wish you could turn back time and prevent things from happening...
...is it really funny?

Redundancy

I've noticed that most of my blog entries would be about self-appreciation or self-forgiveness or God's love. It was getting kind of redundant, right?

I was thinking of what to write today. And I realized one thing out of everything: It's okay to be redundant.

It's okay to remind yourself once in a while to love yourself, to spoil yourself. How else can you give love when you have no love in you?
It's okay to remind yourself to forgive, most especially yourself. People will never be perfect. Neither will you be, and that's okay. Just remember that everything in life happens for a purpose, and this is a lesson to help you grow as a person.
It's okay to constantly remember that God is in control and that He loves you. Sometimes, there will be nothing that can comfort you except the warm presence of God's embrace. Take it.

Everything that I've said and written still makes sense and still applies to my life every single day. And I'm not perfect. I will fail, I will stumble, I will make mistakes. But I will pick myself up and I will remind myself that I am stronger than this.

The Things That Matter

picture from http://followandreblog.tumblr.com

I was just musing about the One that God has reserved for me and I realized that the things that I wanted were simple, but they were true. 

I want someone who loves God more than he loves me. I want someone who'll tell me that he wants God to be in the center of our relationship. 

I want someone who was willing to listen to everything that I have to say. And not just listen, but to listen attentively and enthusiastically. And after he's heard everything and known everything about me, he won't judge me. Instead, he'll accept me and help me change for the better. Operating term is HELP.

I want someone who can make me laugh, no matter how corny the joke is. 

I also want someone who'd be willing to bare everything to me, someone who'll trust me enough to tell me everything about themselves. 

And then after all the buzz and the kilig vibes have died down, instead, there is comfortable silence. There is mutual understanding that we are in it for the long run. I want to be able to be myself around him. I want him to be himself when he's around me.

I want something that is real, that is true. I don't want a man who just wants to hold my hand or kiss me. I want someone who'll last even when the passion has burned down. I want someone who's willing to decide to love me every single day, no matter what. 

And I trust that God will be able to grant me that prayer soon. 

Maybe.

Maybe if you tried hard enough, you'll make it.
Maybe if you did your best, you'll win.
Maybe if you gave your all, you'll succeed.
Operating term is MAYBE.

Of Changes (superficial ones)

Late last year, I talked about how I was starting to love dressing up but was too lazy to make it into a habit. Well, this year, I decided to grow up and finally be a lady (HUHUHU). I sometimes use make-up, even.

I remember a friend commenting on how nice I've been looking and if I was in love (because me dressing up was a rare occasion). I told them that I just wanted to feel good about themselves. Who doesn't want to be complimented and told about how nice they look? No one. I rest my case.

But seriously, though. I want to feel good about myself. I want to feel pretty and amazing, even if I've gained weight. I want the world to know that I know that I am beautiful. I guess it has something to do with my self-esteem.

Yes, I'm in love... WITH MYSELF. Take that, anonymous friend.

All pictures taken at different dates. I thank you, bow.