Of Spiritual Dryness.

For some, finding God took them a lifetime struggle or some big incident to bring them to Him and find salvation. It was a different story for me altogether.

I was practically born into the community. I grew up in that kind of environment. I didn't find it weird when someone was slain or someone was speaking in tongues, it was so natural for me. I grew up thinking that it was normal, that it was right. I grew up in that environment of love.

So, it goes without saying that I've been serving God for 11 years already, starting out with dancing for Him, then finally ministering to His youth. I never ran out of that fire, of that passion to just go wherever He led me. One mission, and I'd say yes...

...until now. My love for Him became fleeting; inconsistent. One day, I'd be "oh I love You, Lord", then the next day I'd be muttering different words altogether: "Ayoko na. Gusto ko nang umalis ng community." For a time, the decision of leaving the community became so final to me. It was as if nothing could stop me. I didn't feel His love anymore, I didn't feel the fire anymore, so why should I stay?

But He did. He indirectly gave me reasons not to leave this community. People, responsibilities, circumstances to tell me that He still loves me and that He is still taking care of me. I'm surrounded by so much love, by so much care, that I can't believe that I wanted to leave in the first place.

Yes, I will constantly be plagued by the thought of leaving the community, of leaving this path behind, but I don't really see myself leaving anytime soon. Maybe it's because I'm scared to leave this comfort zone, or maybe it's because I'm scared to leave the friends behind, but whatever. If something, or someone has given you this much love, would you ever consider leaving?

I didn't think so, too. :)