The People of my 2011

Inspired to do this because of Ate Faith's blog. Been backtracking my 2011 and I realized how blessed I am to have these people with me. So here goes. BTW, not in any definite order.

1. Amang Hari and Inang Reyna

 

Sweetest couple EVER

Admittedly, this was a very tough year for me, but because my parents have constantly been there to guide me with their wisdom, make me laugh and smile whenever I felt like crying, lift me up whenever I felt like falling down, I am ending this victorious and happy. I wouldn't be this strong and this resilient if it weren't for them.

2. Family Lovess

 

They are who I consider my second family. And my year has been so blessed because they were around. From simple conversations and CG's to adventures and galas everywhere, I am definitely 100,000 times more blessed because these people came and radiated God's love to me.

3. Chris and Saleng

 

I remember JC jokingly telling me that it was a miracle that I have two children at the young age of 22, and these babies of mine are one 4 years younger than me. And yes, though it is very much impossible to have children at the age of 4, I treat these two as my very own kids. And they are my angels. Blessed to have them by my side.

4. Tito Bo

 

Like my mom and dad, he has never failed to guide me with his words of wisdom. Thank you, Tito Bo, for always being there to talk to me when I text you. 'Nuff said.

  5. Ate Keren

We've been in the community since forever, and we only became really close friends 4-5 years ago. But year after year, this person has inspired me to be better. She is my soul sister, one of my confidantes. And year after year, I am still grateful that God gave me her to remind me of His love.

6. Mama Kat

 

This beautiful woman is a living testament of God's amazing love. She has inspired me to continue believing that God will never fail us, no matter how hard the situation is. Here's to another year of being close friends! :)

7. Myrel

 

We have shared laughter, tears, memories, struggles, and fears together. And together, we rose above this year victorious. She has been my companion through the struggles and joys of life. Thank you, kambal! :)

8. Kean

 

Every conversation, whether shallow or deep, has taught me so much. Blessed to have you as my conversation/tambay buddy!

9. Patrick 

 

Started with a picture and FC comments. Now I've found a new friend in this guy. Even though he's very much a bully, I'm still thankful God gave him to me at a time when I was at the lowest. (Yihee. Kilig to the bones.)

10. Zag

 

Like Patrick, he came at a time when I was the lowest. And it all started just because I was their music coordinator for the KCon Youth Track. Now, he's one of my closest friends. And he's definitely one of the blessings of my 2011. 

With all that being said, I look forward to 2012 because of these people, and I'm sure God will bless me more with more brothers and sisters that I will meet. Lez get it on, 2012! :D

Lessons from 2011

Since it's the last day of 2011, I reflected and backtracked on the many lessons that I've learned during the year. Here's what I've come up with so far:

1. To love is definitely a decision: a decision to give, to love, to adjust, to forgive, and to understand. But sometimes, this love has to be reciprocated for you to fully grow.
2. God will restore you, no matter how broken you think you are, God will make you whole in His love.
3. God manifests His love through other people, circumstances, etc. Feel His love in every situation.
4. Two ways of becoming a great friend: Be there and LISTEN.
5. FRIENDS (true ones, at least) and FAMILY will pick you up when you fall.
6. Nothing beats the wisdom of your parents, both biological and spiritual.
7. One of the best feelings in the world is when someone trusts and believes in you.
8. Having a positive outlook in life will get you through the toughest of situations.
9. I can never imagine what my life would be if I didn't have firn faith in God. Holding on to His promise has gotten me through so much.
10. When you lose something, God will replace it with something better. ALWAYS.
11. Most important lesson: Never kang pababayaan ni God. NEVER.

Of Restarting.

Taken from: http://stuckinthemomentxx.tumblr.com/post/14308513230

Saw this on Tumblr, obviously enough. And it got me thinking: Would I really want to redo everything? To undo mistakes, to choose to do something differently? 

It seems really tempting, isn't it? To just redo things, to take another chance to live out this year. What would you have done differently? What would you have wanted to remain the same? Would you take back the words that you've said? Would you have loved more or would you have loved less? 

There are so many questions, what-if's, maybe's, and should-have-been's that I'm sure most of us want to answer. But I know that everything happens for a purpose. Looking back at the year that was, so much has happened. I've met new people, established new relationships, finished some, went back to school after a year of being employed, went to new places, went back to old places, reestablished old relationships, and so much more. I've learned so much from what has happened and from all the people that I've met along the way. I grew so much as a person: wiser, more beautiful, more mature, etc. 

Again going back to the question of would I redo my 2011, my answer is no. I have no regrets with all that has happened this year. Every year, God makes me and molds me into a better person.

Which is also why I'm really excited for 2012. Let's get it on! :)

Of Loving Yourself

I've had tons of eureka moments lately, but this one is the latest, so I'm going to write about this to remind myself and possibly also remind you to love yourself.

I'm sure all of us has made a mistake one point in our life and maybe there was that one mistake, that one choice that you wish you didn't make. That maybe, if you didn't make that mistake, your life would be better or your burden would be lighter. Maybe you're angry at yourself for committing that mistake.

But sweetheart, making mistakes is a part of growing up. You may not know it now, but that mistake will make you bloom more as a person. It would make you wiser, stronger, and more beautiful. Forgive yourself, learn from it, smile, then let it go. After all, all the past mistakes and experiences stitched up together makes a beautiful you.

So rise up again, soar, and shout to the world: "I love my beautiful self!" because that's what you are. No matter how imperfect or broken you may seem, you are beautiful and very much loved.

Moving On.

Yes, there will be days when a certain place, situation, song, or thing reminds you of someone that you used to think the whole world of.

Yes, there will be nights when you'd start missing the person and you'd miss them being a major part of your life.

BUT it's okay. It's normal. You just have to make that firm decision to pick yourself up, stop dwelling on the emotion and the negativity, and start moving towards betterment and positivity.

I'm making that choice everyday. And slowly, but surely, I'm getting there. :)

KCon 2011 - Transformers: Rise of The Youth

Ate Keren said in one of her statuses on Facebook that 6 years ago, it amazed us that we were able to fill up Christ The King Seminary with hundreds of youth. And now, it was overwhelming to see that 2000+ youth came and were blessed as much as we were, probably more. 

I'm proud to be part of God's team who made all of this possible. Praise God for the awesome and blessed weekend. 

I am definitely transformed from glory to glory. :)

It just keeps on getting better and better. :)

Emotions and Blessings

It's been a while since I've written something decent, or at least what I think is decent, in this blog.

They say that writing your feelings down is therapy, and I guess I didn't do as much "therapy" as I should have. I guess it's because of the fact that a lot of friends have been there to listen to me and distract me enough for me not to write anything down.

Entering a relationship also means that you are letting the person into your life, but more than you'll ever let any friend or family member in. That person would probably be the first person you'd talk to when something interesting, disappointing, or happy happens to you. That person would probably also be the one who'd be with you during those events. He was the one who'd know you inside and out, more than anybody else could know you. Not unless you didn't really love the person, I'd say you'd bare your soul to that person, you'd want them to know everything about you and love you despite your perfections and imperfections. You've built yourself a future with this person. Your plans included that person.

If you're like me who promised yourself that you won't enter any relationship not unless you're sure that you see yourself marrying that person, breaking up is hard. To see something you've built together just disintegrate into thin air, to see something you've believed in not work out... It hurts.

Anyway... I don't want this to sound like an emo entry, so I'll just cut that short and tell you why this break-up is also a blessing. Let me enumerate why:

1. You grow up. Seriously. You mature more emotionally and you become stronger. A break-up can teach you so many lessons about yourself and about life through the break-up.
2. You realize how many (more) people love you. Your friends will always be there to listen (and tolerate) your whining about how hard it is, how much it hurts, blahblahblah. You'll realize that they will always be there for you and that even when the one you love leaves you, they will stay and they have your back.
3. You bloom. It's because you rediscover yourself. You learn new things about yourself. You'll pamper yourself more. Hence, you will bloom.

There's so much more that I could say about this break-up being a blessing, but I realized that it can all be summarized in one point: It makes you better. Heck, every thing that you experience makes you a better person. You live and you learn. And you will be okay.

And yes, I won't deny it, there are nights when I feel like watching Dirty Dancing while bawling (New Girl reference, whaddup), but I guess there will be brighter days. And I'm excited for what the future holds. It's looking brighter. :)

Wala lang. Just wanted to show you gais how I look. Vain, I know. Harhar.

Breaking Up.

#9 from Patty Lagera on Vimeo.

I encountered this video at this blog months ago. I showed this video to Adrian and told him that if ever we weren't really meant for each other, I want him to know that our relationship has made me grow so much as a person and that I wouldn't be harboring any resentment towards him. I never thought that that would happen sooner than I thought.

Like any other couple, Adrian and I loved, love each other. We had our share of ups and downs. But we wanted to make it work. However, during the later part of our relationship, I realized that, yes, we really love each other, but we just weren't on the same page anymore. He has other priorities to focus on, thus compromising our relationship.

And so, last night, we talked. As in really talked. About how I felt, about where do we go, and how it was best that maybe, it just wasn't the right time to be together.

But, like I said, I do not regret being in the relationship with him. It wasn't easy, yes, but I learned so much and changed so much as a person because of it. I'm much more mature, much more understand, much more patient, etc. I learned how to appreciate the small things.

And I place my trust in God, in whatever plan that He has for the both of us. It maybe that we'd still end up together at a later point in life, or that we'll meet someone better for us. I don't know. All I know is that all this is for the best. And yes, I'm sad about this. Really, really sad. But I'm at peace. I have a great support team. I'll be okay. :)

Realizations.

1. No matter how cliche it sounds, I believe everything happens for a reason. You meet people, you fall in love with someone, something happens because it has to happen for something/someone better to come. I should know.
2. There are some people who, no matter how much they've been hurt, their goodness shines through. They instead choose to forgive those that have offended them instead of bearing grudges, no matter how much it hurts. I admire those people.
3. There are also some people who will come into your life, make you cry and hurt you, but still you love them and accept them for who they are. You'd still want to be there for them when they're down and whenever they need you because, despite the tears and the pain, you know that they'll do the very same thing for you. 
4. Most of the time, it hurts to do the right thing. 
5. Sometimes, you'll end up hurting the ones you love. 
6. There will always be a point in your life where you start asking "what if?" Sometimes, you'd be given a chance to answer that question, but most of time, you won't be given a chance to find out what happens. 
7. Life goes on. You will never be stuck in one specific moment or you won't be able to rewind and change what was. All you can do is smile and say, "no regrets", then move on.

Thinking.

Thinking of understanding.
Thinking of hands.
Thinking of breakfast.
Thinking of apple pie.
Thinking of silence.
Thinking of deciding.

Of My Parents

I realized that I never wrote anything about my parents. Way to go, favorite daughter. (They actually have no choice because I'm their only daughter. Funny story. Anyway...)

Le Papa (Pathetic attempt at French, I know)

That's my dad. He never was the affectionate type. He rarely told me that he loves me. He doesn't hug me. For a time, I resented that. I thought he didn't love me and for a time we wouldn't get along. We fought about the simplest things.

But I realized that it didn't really make him less of a father. He just wasn't affectionate. But he loves me. He honestly does. There were times that I'd run to him when I'm down and he'd just listen to me. I remember him picking me up from school (there were days when my classes ended at 9pm) even though his office was a thousand miles away (I'm exaggerating. But Balintawak to España, Manila is kindov far away). There was also this one time that I got really sick with anemia and I couldn't get myself to go home alone, and he picked me up. Recently, I was undergoing something emotionally difficult, and I spent the previous night crying, he wordlessly took me to work. 

Mi Mama (fail Spanish)

My mom is who I call my first ever best friend. I ran to her whenever I cried over something/someone. I told her everything. And she'd listen. And give advice. She was always just a call away. If ever I felt down, I'd just text her, and she'll call me. Her voice always soothed me and assured me that everything will be alright. 

Unlike my dad, my mom's really affectionate. Whenever we'd go to the mall, I'd love to hold her hand and I'm not embarrassed to kiss her in public. Sometimes, I still on her lap (Sorry, feeling baby pa rin). I remember the most hurtful experience that I encountered, I called her up crying and she was crying with me. I knew she could feel my pain, too. 

These two people are my sources of strength. If some people get more pressured when their parents are watching their performances, I need them there. When I sang in front of 10,000 people, I was confident because I knew they were watching. They are my support group. I seriously don't know what to do without these people in my life. 

Yo mom and dad,

Everyday is better when you two are there to smile at me and tell me to continue fighting. Love you both.

Frustrating.

Why do you have to carry that burden all by yourself when there's someone clearly willing to carry that burden with you?
Why can't you see that there's someone willing to listen to you every single time that you want to just let loose?
Why can't you just trust me? 

I don't know what the reason behind all the walls between us is, but I'm here for you. I have and still am. And I don't know how many times I would have to say it until you get it, but if it takes telling you more than a million times before you get it, I'll say it again and again.

I'm always here. Don't you forget that.

Things I've Learned Before/During/After My Entrance Exam in Ateneo

1. I lost my math skills. *sob* Seriously, I used to love math way back in highschool and, not to boast, I got reasonably high grades. But I guess, because of the lack of practice (and 4 semesters of purely philosophical subjects), I found it difficult to answer certain math problems. I fail. /wrists.
2. It's not true that all of the rooms in Ateneo don't have airconditioning. (I wonder who I got that from, anyway)
3. Contrary to what I initially thought, I think I would be having batchmates my age in gradschool. I just hope they're in the same department.
   
4. (prepare for cheesiness) It actually feels nice that someone was there to send me off and give me parting words of, "Kaya mo yan!" Thanks, dearest. Even though you slept for only 2 hours, you still took time to go get lost with me at Ateneo.
5. Walking alone along Ateneo really feels good. Even in the rain. Especially after you feel like you've bombed the exam (Math drama). /wrists
6. Admittedly though, unlike my ACET exam, I didn't have a hard time with the vocabulary exam.  I realized that my vocabulary has expanded.
   
7. People still know how to thank someone, even if they're total strangers.
   
8. It feels good to exchange a smile with a complete stranger. And not in a creepy stalker-ish way.
   
9. I have great, supportive friends.
   
10. Apple pie after a nerve wracking exam is the best way to calm your nerves. 
11. I should've asked when the results are coming out. Fail. *facepalm
    

Of Being His Lover.

To the people who got so used to my short entries, I hate to disappoint you, but this one's a long one. Bear with me. I wrote this using my heart, and not my head.

And by "Him", I don't mean Adrian.

I've said this a million times before, I've literally grown up in the community (Light of Jesus) and thought that it was practically normal that everyone would raise up their hands while worshipping God, speak incomprehensible words, and sing with a passion that could beat performers. It felt natural to see God in a different light, meaning He was not the high and cold God, but that He was, in fact, similar to your father or your friend who you'd run to whenever you needed to blow off steam or cry yourself to sleep. In short, at a very young age, I loved God with all my heart and soul.

This feeling went on as I became a teenager and started serving God through our youth group. The passion has not died down, the fire to sing, dance, play the guitar for the Lord was so intense that I would enthusiastically say yes whenever they'd ask me if I was available to serve. The fire kept on burning bright...

...until earlier this year. I felt nothing. Whenever I'd sing at the Feast, it felt more like a responsibility to fulfill. It wasn't that exciting anymore. Every time I was assigned to sing, I would complain about the long hours at practice and how I would've rather spent time doing something else rather than tire myself with all these duties as a servant.

But it frustrated me. Why wasn't it just like before? I'd asked my co-servants who'd been in the community longer than I have and they tell me that it's natural, that they'd "find it weird when you still have the fire until now". I couldn't get it still. Why were they so fired up for God right now and I wasn't? I felt like I was committing a grave sin against God by not loving Him the same way I used to.

It was only now that I realize that my perspective of being God's lover was twisted. God didn't mind if sometimes I felt like I didn't want to love Him because it was too hard to be His daughter and servant. What mattered was that I still chose to love Him even when the fire's gone.

Think of it this way: it's like being in a steady relationship. There are days when all you want to do is cuddle and murmur sweet nothings in your boyfriend/girlfriend's ear, but there are also days when all you want to do is strangle the life out of them. Being with God requires commitment, to make a firm stand to love Him no matter how you feel or whether or not the fire is burning. It is to stay and continue serving even though you have so many doubts and anxieties and things you do not understand because you place firm hope and trust that in the end, God will always have your back.

That, all of that, came flooding to me as I was reminiscing about my various relationships with people dear to me. And the most overwhelming bit is that God, no matter how you feel about Him or no matter how many times you've turned you back on Him, will wait for you. He will be standing at the end, arms outstretched, waiting ever so patiently for you to run to Him, teary-eyed and exclaiming, "Father, I'm back home!"

Being His lover is no easy task. There are things that you don't understand, circumstances that would make you doubt whether or not He loves you, and people who will try to bring you down and turn you away from Him. But it is all worth it. Because time and time again, He has proven to me that He always has my back. He has never failed me and I don't think He will anytime soon.

Tito Bo

This guy right here beside is known to many as Bo Sanchez, lay preacher, writer, Feast builder, entrepreneur, etc. However, to me, he's Daddy, Ninong, or Tito Bo.

He has never failed by far to just be there for me. Whenever I feel like giving up, or when I'm desperate and lost, I just text him and he'll allot time for me, give me a call, and listen to me. 

It doesn't end there. Whenever we see each other, he'd always ask how I am, and sometimes we'd sit down and talk again. He never fails to show me that I'm like his daughter by being there constantly and without fail. He doesn't just listen because he needs to, he listens because he really CARES..

And so, Tito Bo, even though I don't think you can really read this, thank you. For listening to me, for making me laugh, for being there whenever I need someone to talk to. People say that fame changes a person. You proved them wrong by being there for me ever since. You are God's blessing to me. Thanks.

12:00AM.

At 12:00AM, I am wide awake, trying to calm myself down.
At 12:00AM, I am trying to understand what has happened in the past few hours.
At 12:00AM, I am trying to understand the reason why he hasn't bothered to either text me or answer my calls while I was waiting for him for 3 hours, crying because I was so worried that something might have happened to him.
At 12:00AM, I am refraining myself from crying too much.
At 12:00AM, I am trying to let it all go by writing it down at this blog.
At 12:00AM, I am trying to forgive him for his misgivings because he is not perfect, and neither am I.
At 12:00AM, I am stopping myself from comparing us to other couples who seemingly have the perfect kind of relationship.
At 12:00AM, I am praying to God to give me the strength to push through.
At 12:00AM, I start to wonder if this is still worth it.
At 12:00AM, I'm still hoping that it is.

Love is Here.

Love isn't just found in the arms of your lover.
It isn't just found in their touch, in their kisses, in their passionate embrace.
Love is also when your best friend's there to call you and pray for you as you cry out to her about your desperation and frustration.
Love is when someone makes time to be there when you need them.
Love is when your parents take time to tell you how much they love you.
Love is when your friends plan a simple birthday surprise for you.
Love is when your brother decides to go window shopping with you and doesn't complain.
Love is when your brother trusts you enough to tell you his secret.
Love is when your friend cracks a corny joke just to make you smile.
Love is when your best friend empowers you not to give up on what you fought for.
Love is when someone embraces you when you're crying.
Love is when someone is willing to do anything stupid just to see you smile.
Love is laughter with friends.
Love is when God uses these simple things to make you realize that He will never forget you.

When I realized this, I realized that I was extremely loved by the people around me. You guys know who you are. Thanks.

Dear you.

I know you won't be able to read this. Either way, when you chance upon this, I hope this helps.


I prayed for a partner. I asked God to give me someone who could tolerate my mood swings, who could be my best friend, and someone who could love me in spite of all that I am. And then He gave me you, dear.

Right now, we are both entering a big bump in our relationship, and we are making probably one of the many big decisions that we have to make as a couple.

I am praying for you, for us, for this trial that God has sent us to make us stronger. I am praying that we go through this victorious, with battle scars, yes, but nonetheless victorious and happy.

I still believe that you are the one that God has picked out of the millions for me. Hang on, okay? :)

Someone Like You

I've been listening to this cover for days. Seriously. And I don't even know why it attracts me so much since it's such a sad song to begin with.

If you listen to the song, it's about someone not being able to move on from a past love, even when the past love has moved on to someone new.

Sure, that's been like, my story for the past... N years, but I'm doing far better in my relationship now than I ever was then.

Or maybe it's because I've always been attracted to sad songs ever since. Like seriously. Extremes. My playlist is composed of either really NOISY songs or just plain sad ones. I don't know. Whatever.

So anyway, the real reason why I decided to post it here is because... I just wanted to. Although I DO wonder why it's suddenly my new favorite song.

Of Spiritual Dryness.

For some, finding God took them a lifetime struggle or some big incident to bring them to Him and find salvation. It was a different story for me altogether.

I was practically born into the community. I grew up in that kind of environment. I didn't find it weird when someone was slain or someone was speaking in tongues, it was so natural for me. I grew up thinking that it was normal, that it was right. I grew up in that environment of love.

So, it goes without saying that I've been serving God for 11 years already, starting out with dancing for Him, then finally ministering to His youth. I never ran out of that fire, of that passion to just go wherever He led me. One mission, and I'd say yes...

...until now. My love for Him became fleeting; inconsistent. One day, I'd be "oh I love You, Lord", then the next day I'd be muttering different words altogether: "Ayoko na. Gusto ko nang umalis ng community." For a time, the decision of leaving the community became so final to me. It was as if nothing could stop me. I didn't feel His love anymore, I didn't feel the fire anymore, so why should I stay?

But He did. He indirectly gave me reasons not to leave this community. People, responsibilities, circumstances to tell me that He still loves me and that He is still taking care of me. I'm surrounded by so much love, by so much care, that I can't believe that I wanted to leave in the first place.

Yes, I will constantly be plagued by the thought of leaving the community, of leaving this path behind, but I don't really see myself leaving anytime soon. Maybe it's because I'm scared to leave this comfort zone, or maybe it's because I'm scared to leave the friends behind, but whatever. If something, or someone has given you this much love, would you ever consider leaving?

I didn't think so, too. :)

Of Haircuts And Break-up's.

I recently had a haircut. One of the most unforgettable reactions that my friends gave me was, "Nagbreak ba kayo ni Ad kaya ka nagpagupit?"

Boohoo. 

My reaction? "Do I have to break up in order to have a haircut?" Seriously, though, girls have this tendency to do something outrageous when their hearts get all tangled up and broken. Makeovers are some kind of revenge to the guy by showing them that well, we're prettier since you've been gone, so go weep in the corner and regret breaking up with us.

Meh. And then I started to ask myself, "did my world start to revolve around Adrian too much that he affected every decision I made?"

Nope. Not really. People, I is got brains, even if it isn't that obvious. Don't get me wrong, I do love him, but hello, I can stand on my own two feet. So why am I acting all defensive, anyway?

Wala lang. Eh gusto ko lang na may masabi. It's been a while since I've blogged something worthwhile (Eh?).

Just so you guys know, I had a haircut because the trim that this barber/barberita gave me was ugly, so I had my hair cut short... After 2 years. 

I eez likey my barbeque.

I love...

1. How you randomly tell me that you love me.
2. How you hold my hand.
3. How you kiss my forehead.
4. How you always find time to talk to me.
5. Your songs.
6. The way you play the piano and the violin.
7. Your hugs.
8. Your smile.
9. The way you make me feel special.
10. Your corny jokes.
11. When you try to get along with my family, especially my parents.
12. It when you're shy.
13. How you're so hell-bent on achieving your goals.
14. How you see me as the person you'll spend the rest of your life with.
15. The fact that you know me best.
16. It when you open up to me and tell me your frustrations.
17. Your tears (what? I love them)
18. You when you cover your ears from the noise outside.
19. The way you put your arm around me. It makes me feel safe.
20. You even though we argue.
21. You even though you're spiritually dry.
22. How you're always there for me.
23. How you kiss me.
24. You in spite of.
25. How you never fail to take me home after our dates.
26. Your laugh.

Simply put, I love you. Just because.

Sigh.

...I try to distract myself by talking to other people, by going out with other people. But it still doesn't change the fact that it's not you.

Epiphany.

I will study again.

And become a pre-school teacher.

Falling Apart.

Until when will I keep on understanding?
Until when will I have to cry and keep everything in?
I try to be strong for you, for us, but I'm slowly falling apart.
Do you see how broken this has made me?...

...I guess not.

On God, Faith, and Prayer

Yesterday, at the start of the interactive Stations of the Cross at Boni High Street, I kept on whispering a fervert prayer:

"God, just one last chance. I promise that I'll never do it again. Please give me one last chance."

However, this prayer changed as we were walking through the stations.

"I am amazed by Your sacrifice and Your love for me. I know that You've got my back, and I will place my trust in You. Your will be done, not mine."

Sometimes, we get too engrossed in our own pain and our own suffering, that we forget that God did the ultimate sacrifice to save us. He placed the sin and the burden on His Son, so that we may live and be with Him in paradise.

I hope that I will never forget this as I walk through life. This life is not my own, it is His. And the best that I could do to repay Him is to love Him with everything I do and everything I say.

Affected.

Whenever you're sad, I pray that everything would turn out alright for you.
I wish that I could be there to envelope you in my arms, and shut out all the noise, negativity, sadness, and pain.
It hurts when you're hurt. I'm sad whenever you're sad.
Everything is now shared, even the pain.
Please let everything be alright.

Pag-mumuni.

1. I forgot that one exact quote, but they said that imitation is the best form of flattery. Well, indeed it is, especially if you acknowledge that the work that you've copied really isn't yours.
   
   I'm honestly flattered that someone would find my work/entries awesome enough to repost them on their wall, but please, don't take credit for my awesome-ness. Just saying. :)
2. In every relationship, be it friendship or a relationship with a significant other, there will always be differences in priorities, opinions, attitudes, likes, etc. And these differences are part of their being. You can't expect to agree on everything because if that were the case, then you should've friends or you should've been in a relationship with your mirror self.
   
   It is here that the challenge of "choosing to love that person no matter what" enters. Are you really willing to accept everything about him/her, and not only their diferences? Or do you just love them because you have a lot of things in common? Think about it.
3. There will always be that one person that, no matter how shitty you feel or how awful the world seem, when that person embraces you or comforts you, everything will be alright. The world will return to its happy state. A simple word, a simple touch, anything from that person could make everything feel alright.
4. That very same person could be the person who you can be weakest to. Like you don't have to hide your real self from that person. Nothing that you do, who you really are doesn't make that person love you any less. Thank God I have someone like that.

Just rambling

Bullshit.

Seriously. Pardon my French. I am so pissed off right now.

This is complete and utter bullshit. I don't want to see you, I don't want to talk to you. DO NOT DO THIS TO ME.

I need you right now and this is what I get? I needed someone to be there with me. I needed someone who understands me. I needed YOU, nobody else but you.

But fine. I guess I'll have to deal with this alone. After that reply, I'm not texting you anymore. Not for today. I don't want to talk to you today.

Sacrifice.

Sacrificial lamb.
For all things to turn out well, one has to sacrifice something.
What were you expecting, really?
Stop expecting.
Stop assuming.
Something that perfect will never happen.

Nagi-inarte.

Magsusungit.
Ayaw kausapin.
Ayaw makipagusap.
Pero 'pag natapos ang araw, ang boses mo ang unang papakinggan.
Ang pangalan mo ang unang hahanapin.
Ang mga salita mo ang unang makakapagbigay ngiti sa kanya.
'Pag katapos ng araw, hindi ka rin pala matitiis.
Ikaw ang kanyang kahinaan, ang tanging tao na may kakayahan na magpangiti o magpaluha sa kanya.

Anti-Social

Ever get the feeling of not wanting to talk to specific people? Let's say, people who usually have this significant relevance to your existence and being? Ever have that feeling of just not wanting to see that person, or to just talk to that person?

I'm kind of feeling that right now. I don't want to talk to anybody. I don't want to talk to somebody. I don't want to talk to some people. Can't the earth swallow them up for just one day because I don't want to talk to them?

It's not because they did something horribly wrong, it's just because they're doing nothing. Nothing at all. It annoys me to no end. And I wish that not talking to me is part of the nothing that they're doing.

Yes, I'm annoyed. No, I'm not PMS-ing, just in case you're wondering. I just don't want to talk to them. NOT RIGHT NOW. Just not right now. This may all change tomorrow, but as of today, 4:39PM, NO. I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO THEM. Stay away from me please. Just for today.

Word Games.

Understanding.
Patience.
Privation.
Decisions.
Sacrifice.
Love.

Hypocrite.

I am a hypocrite.
A big, fat one.
I did something absolutely wrong, that has most definitely hurt the one I love.
And as loving and as compassionate as that person is, he forgave me.
I didn't deserve it.
His love and forgiveness.
But he gave it to me.
And now, I'm going to gain back the shattered trust.
And prove to him that I am worth it.
That I am worth his love and his trust.

Of Pet Peeves and Other Things

I decided to just put it out here for everyone to see (And by everyone, I mean my significant other who's probably the only one who's reading this awesome *yawn* blog).

• I hate it when someone chews with their mouth open. You are definitely not a goat, so could you please stop chewing like you are one.
• I hate it when people do not keep their promises. Promises are made to be broken my face. You should learn how to keep your word.
• I hate it when people lie to me. I SWEAR. It's the worst thing in the world.
• I hate it when somebody does not bother saying "excuse me for a moment" then goes on talking to other people in the middle of our conversation. I would've understood it better if you could've just told me. Please don't be rude. I'm not rude.
• I hate it when I have my period. I turn into this bitch-slash-psychopath. NOT GOOD. Best stay away from the monster.

On a lighter note, though, I love it the fact that when I start talking to Adrian (Hi, love), all the bad vibes and negative feelings go away. See? You have that nice effect on me. Awezum.

Actually, I just wanted to post this because, you know... It's been a while since I actually wrote something decent (yeah, I know that this can barely pass as decent) in this blog. Just so that I'm still updating this.

Growing Pains

Polar opposites, that's what we are. Admit it or not, I know that you know that we don't like the same things... We simply don't jive. And it takes great pain just to pretend that we do. Stop being in denial, stop pretending, stop lying to me, to yourself, to everyone. This is all a lie.

We used to get along, but now we don't. Sad to say, we just grew up.